Find the Root!!

  
This weekend my sister’s house witnessed a minor flooding to her living room and dining area. Coming down those flight of stairs you will never notice what was waiting for you downstairs. It took a couple of falls (thankfully no injuries) for us to actually realise that the we were getting flooded and as we tried to determine the next cause of action for clearing out the water that was already in the ground floor it occurred to us that if we don’t find the source of this flooding then our efforts will be wasted because the water will continue to come through. We went round the building and in a few minutes we were able to identify that the root of our problem was a plumbing issue in the restroom of her home office. The whole home office was already flooded and through an adjoining door water was coming through to the main house. If we didn’t tackle our root/source we will continue to clear the water in the main house only to continue to recycle our experience.

This hit home for me, some of us saw through the branches of our issues instead of attacking the roots of the issues. We’ll rather take a look at the surface and deal with a few causal factors than take the time to do a full scan through using a root cause analysis approach. I guess cutting branches is often faster, cheaper, non-invasive and less time consuming and it affords me the opportunity to get on with life really quickly. 

I mean no need for drilling down to find the root of my problem since I pulled out a branch and I feel really relieved already. I already stopped the bleeding which is what was scary so if the bleeding has stopped why should I find the cause of the bleeding??? The truth is sometimes the bleeding has stopped on the surface and you seem fine but if you don’t know what’s causing you to bleed you stand a chance of facing the same recurring situation in the future.

So I’ll use relationships as an example but it’s not only limited to relationship issues. You are angry because someone hurt you bad in a previous relationship, you dealt with it by breaking up and moved right along without dealing with your anger. You meet a “new person” and somehow you ruined things for yourself because you couldn’t let go of your past. Truth is your anger may not even be against the people you were in a relationship with your anger may be way more rooted in several other issues such as a parents divorce or maltreatment that you witnessed growing up that has left you broken. But you have not dealt with it but what you’ve done is to acquire a thinking pattern that tells you that a relationship with a “new person” will fix your brokenness. You need to fix the root cause before you bleed out on another perso and you stand the chance of recycling your experiences all over again. Sometimes others are not the cause of our problems but we are the ones who refuse to do the work and find healing for ourselves.

It’s ok to stuff the face with all of the ice cream in the world and get the pyjama party going to cheer ourselves on while we get over a heartbreak but until you look yourself in the face and ask yourself some truths that bring you face to face with nobody but yourself and call for a change until then you will always recycle your experiences. 

I know they say broken people break people, hurting people hurt people but they forget to tell us that healed people also heal people. Don’t watch your brokenness cause you to bleed out on others because you are too afraid to deal with the root of your situation. You can change your narrative if you want it bad enough. 

You are never alone 

Love and Light 

Tosin

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Finding your way to better!!

  

Say what! January is just about wrapping up and I hope you’ve done good with your new year resolution so far. I’m not a huge fan of resolutions because I know we only write them to break them. lol! What I believe in though is having vision statements and mission statements that are more detailed and one can go over their life holistically and appraise ones self and also set achievable goals that help in fulfilling the vision and mission.

 We all want to be better humans. We want to do better, feel better, act better and just generally deal better in life. We are not talking perfection because that’s just you setting yourself up for failure and frustration but you want to work on yourself so that you are always one step closer to the best version of yourself there is.

It’s easy to say I want to change and even start on the process but then we lose steam and fall back to old ways because staying the same is just “easy” and it doesn’t require us to stretch in any way. But the risk with staying the same is you will always achieve the same results that stops you short of being the better version of yourself. There is an upgraded version of who you are that is worth birthing but you have to be willing to put the work in on a daily basis

Let me share just 4 steps below that you could consider to help you stick to your plans through this journey of finding the better version of yourself:

1. Understand your WHY– it’s one thing to want to change, it’s another thing to really understand why you need to change. If your why isn’t strong enough your passion for the change will not hold. So to sustain your process you need to truly understand why you want to change. Why do you want to lose the weight, why do you want to change your career, why do you want to relocate, why do you want to find peace within yourself. Understanding your why will let you know how much this means to you and what your life will look like when it finally happens. Your why will also let you know if you are doing this for yourself or for other people’s approval. If you don’t want change for yourself you won’t be motivated enough to follow through on your decision.

2. Give yourself a call to action: I’m sure we have all clicked on some websites that have requested us to commit to something by filling out a form it’s the same way you should view your journey once you’ve written your vision. Set for yourself a daily call to action that you know you can stick to but still challenges you and requires effort from you. 

3. Hold yourself accountable: so now you understand your why, and you have drawn your call to action. It’s time to hold yourself accountable to ensure that you follow through. If you don’t trust yourself to deliver on your daily promise to yourself you may want to find an accountability buddy that will help you by providing support to you and also telling you the truth when you are not living up to your own expectations.

4. Celebrate your small wins: some change take longer than others to see results. Some things you want to change may take you several months before you start seeing the return on your investment and some may take just a few days regardless of how long it takes don’t be so hard on yourself don’t think of how far you have to go, think of how far you’ve come and how committed you are to yourself on this journey of becoming a better version of yourself. Give yourself a pat on the back for sticking to the plan and continue on your journey. Celebrate the small wins but don’t quit before you achieve your results.
The better version of yourself will emerge as long as you don’t give up on yourself. Even if nobody is rooting for your better version make sure you are rooting for yourself. You are the best you’ve got.
You are never alone

Love and Light 

Tosin

Lesson from a 2 year old!!

  

A few days ago I learnt a very important lesson from my 2 years old niece. She was getting ready for school and her mum needed to quickly attend to something and as such it became my duty to keep an eye on her. I walked into her room with hopes of getting her ready for school myself. She looked at me and refused to cooperate, in her own words “i want my mummy”. 

My niece knew she needed help getting ready for school but when help came (in the form of Aunty) because it was packaged differently she refused. So getting ready for school took more time that morning because little Miss 2 years old “bosslady” had her mind made up on who should get her ready for school. She’d rather continue to wait for her assistance to come the way she had envisioned it in her royal empire (that is her 2 year old brain) than take one that was readily available.

There and then it hit me that we as adults sometimes act like children we refuse an opportunity just because it didn’t not appear in a package we expected. We have set our prayer point and our mind is so fixed on how things should look, what the person offering the help should look like or what the opportunities we are after should look like.

Somehow we meet someone who has the ability to help us get our desired result and we mess it up just because they don’t look like the type of person we have envisioned. We see some opportunities that could change our lives but because it doesn’t come packed like we imagined and hasn’t got the attached perks we have imagined we decide this can’t be the opportunity that will change our life.

 Sometimes your opportunity to meet the person for your next level will require that you take  up an offer to work in a particular office branch that you don’t have your mind set on don’t walk away because if you skip this opportunity you may never find them. Sometimes you may have to take a lower paying job to get to the higher paying position with the corner office you have envisioned. You may have to take that job on the shop floor with longer hours so you can acquire some client relations and interpersonal skills before you get your promotion as a supervisor.

This is not a call to settle but a a reminder that you should be discerning because sometimes God switches things up on us. Don’t expect that because God showed up in a certain way yesterday He will always show up like that. When we don’t understand we just have to pray for discernment and trust that God and You got this. 

Let’s be clear sometimes opportunities will show up exactly the way we have envisioned it but other times opportunities will show up not looking anything like we have envisioned. The fact that some things don’t come wrapped in the kind of gift wrap we asked for doesn’t make it anything less magical.

Don’t miss your blessing because it doesn’t come packaged in the way you envisioned it to be. 

You are never alone

Love and Light 

Tosin 

Time’s up!!

  
Ha! 2018 kicked off to a good start we have seen great activities and this should be expected in any New Year. One of the activities I’ve found really interesting so far is the Time’s up movement. A movement that was first founded in 2006 and resurfaced again in 2018. (Wikipedia). I for one never knew about it in 2006 but the joy in my heart and the smile on my face grows really wide each time I see that hashtag #timesup and also see the various marches  taking place across America. I see what collective effort and the power of positive social media can achieve. I love what this movement represent because nobody should ever be harasse or abused sexually or otherwise in the workplace just because somebody feels they have the power. So yes Time’s up. 

It took a fraction of women to speak up and lend their voice even in the midst of fear. They risked ridicule and judgements from bystanders who may even be going through the same thing. These few women opened their mouth to stop the torment that kept them awake at night and the guilt and shame that plagued them during the day. Look how far this has come and how many people have been exposed but much more how many people have been liberated just because some women gave power to their once silent voice.

Permit me to use this hashtag as the backdrop of this post and also to drive home a point I keep reminding myself and those who care to listen-we have to find the power of our voice whether it be in our one bedroom apartment, hospital hallway, corner shop or the mansion with the white picket fence. Don’t be afraid to say time’s up for anything that’s holding you back.

Let’s face it people can go to war for you, win you the trophy to signify your freedom but until you feel free in yourself and know that you are deserving you will never experience the joys of freedom and you will never be able to walk the true extent of the freedom somebody thought you deserve. There are lot of things holding us back from being a better version of ourselves that we need to serve the time’s up notice. Time’s up is not just another hashtag that should be used to stop what others are doing to us but it should be personalised to stop what we are doing to sabotage ourselves from letting our lights shine. Don’t just take a seat and watch this movement but look in your life and lend a voice for yourself on the things that have held you back and in 2018 serve them the time’s up notice.

For me I’m daily serving Time’s up notice to those negative voice that make  me second guess myself and force me to backspace my uniqueness and significance. Time’s up for feeling sorry for myself. Time’s up on doubting my own ability to be great and achieve greatness. Time’s up on procrastination that stop me from achieving my daily goals. Time’s up on waiting to hear people’s opinion on what I should or shouldn’t do or what I can achieve or can’t achieve.

Long after the hashtag fades and long after the parades stop you will be left with the reality of what you have made out of your life. Don’t let 2018 be that year where you don’t spell it out that Time’s up. 

So here goes Time’s up for believing you can’t get that degree, time’s up for not doing better by yourself, time’s up for thoughts and mentality that reduce you to nothing but an average and a loser. Time’s up for friends who hold you back and speak negativity into your life. Time’s up for talking yourself out of real good opportunities just because you think you are not worthy or good enough.

Don’t be afraid to let your life hear your voice because if you don’t call time’s up now you will continue to battle the same issue even years to come. Make this your turnaround year and speak to yourself all those positive things you want to see until you believe them about yourself and also be ready to put the work in. Don’t just stand on the sidelines using the hashtag time’s up without letting your personal life benefit from it.

4 things to consider :
1. VISION: write the vision and make it plain. (Habakkuk 2:2) If you don’t have a vision for your life you ain’t creating anything with your life. When there is no vision you don’t have focus and you are not able to build boundaries for your life, so anything goes. Do yourself a favour and write your vision. Your life should mean something and should accomplish something significant. Let your vision drive you and not somebody else’s vision.

2. SPEAK: you know those positive and affirmative words that you want people to tell you. Those words that are significant to you, those words that build you up and put a pep in your step, those words that make you feel like you are the best version of you there is. This year time’s up waiting for a hype-man or hype-woman to speak these words for you. You’ve got to speak over yourself. Look in the mirror and hype yourself up by yourself. It might not look like anything is changing but one day you will wake up and believe those words you have spoken and you will start seeing it in yourself. Voice activation mode have to be in full operation this year if you are going to call time’s up. Nobody calls time’s up in silence.

3. ACT: action is important. You don’t call time’s up and just sit down doing nothing. You know what needs to change, don’t just speak it get up and change it. Take those little step everyday toward your vision. If you speak time’s up to “thinking I’m not deserving of good things” then the action will be to start acting gracious to yourself. Treat yourself with respect. If you speak time’s up to “thinking I can’t get that degree”. The action is to look for a college,fill out your application form and then submit it. You got this and you can do it.

4. ASSOCIATION: our life will be influenced by people and we also will influence people. Check your circle and make sure all of the people in it want to win because if they don’t want to win they won’t want to see you win and they will talk you out of every good thing that you know you deserve. So find the right connection/network/friends who will be wind beneath your wings. Let it be known Time’s up on friends who hold me back from finding the best version of myself.
Don’t just wish for better, speak better and act better.

You are never alone

Love and Light

Tosin

Does God have a plan for me ??

  

The clouds above your head is so thick, the ground around you so steep and the prayer book that once recorded many ticks for answered prayers seem to not have recorded answers at all in a while. You look up and you look down, you look around you in a bid to find an answer to why nothing seems to be working but all you can come up with is God do you still have plans for me?

Waiting season and dry seasons sometimes are words we use often when we are going through a season of no productivity. “Waiting” this when something is delayed and you have to wait a little bit longer before you get your shot and sometimes you are waiting in just one area in your life but things are still happening in other areas of your life.”Dryness” on the other hand means to be unproductive. It’s a season where nothing is yielding fruit and all the areas of your life is just shut down and nothing is working.Like everyone I know I want to be in season at all times. I want to be productive and I want to make progress but what do you do when you have to wait or even when you are not in the waiting room but you are visited by a dry season.

The divorce is signed, sealed and delivered and you seem lost because now you have to learn how to navigate the scene alone as a single parent and get used to going over every thing by yourself. You’ve watched the bank account go from a few millions or thousands to zero. Your change has become strange. You have submitted resumes and filled out applications till you are left wondering if those mails ever dropped at the right mailbox because if it did then you should have an answer by now. You’ve watched calls from friends and allies drop down from 20 or more calls a day to 5 and now the phone doesn’t even ring save a random irrelevant sales and marketing call from the phone provider. You wake up and everyday you are starring the same situation in the face and you are left wondering…Does God have plans for my life?

If this was a norm then it could be safe to conclude that God and His heavenly armies have gone on vacation from humans but yet you hear people share their testimonies of how God picked them up and how they sort of put heaven on a timer and things worked and this further buttresses the scripture you know all too well…..”He that watches over you does not sleep nor slumber” (Psalm 121:4). But if you go by this dryness then you can be tempted to conclude maybe God isn’t just here for me anymore and the question pops up again….. Does God have a plans for me? 

 It will be okay if you are not serving God because you will be able to conclude that the difference between you and all these other testifiers will have to be the God factor. But wait a minute they pray and you pray, they sow and you sow, they fast and you fast, they speak “it” into the atmosphere and you also do the same but they get result and you don’t get. 

If we are all going to be honest the dry season can play with our minds so much to make us think we are forgotten. But my post today is to encourage you DON’T LOSE HOPE. Before you start to think there is a problem with you and God must definitely have favourites I want you to know God doesn’t have favourites. I mean how could He?? if He’s the God that makes the rain fall on the just and the unjust (Matthew 5:45) and I’m talking rain the showers from heaven that grows our crops and make us have harvest so we don’t go into famine. God gives rain to everybody.That same God is your Father and before you write yourself out of the will by questioning if God still has plans for you then know this Jeremiah 29:11 (for I know the thoughts that I think towards you thoughts of peace and not of evil to give you an expected end) is still in the bible and if there is anything I know for sure the beautiful thoughts you have for yourself can never out weigh the awesome thoughts God has for you. 

Relax God has a plan and He’s got the strategy for your breakthrough. He knew you will be here and He knew you will have this questions but unlike you He’s not lost or confused as to how to change it and turn it around.

Let me quickly highlight below some steps to keep you going while you navigate the waiting room and dry season

1. Walk in alignment with God: stay in agreement with God. God gives us instructions ensure that you are daily following it. Check that you are in the right location God has for your life and by location I don’t just mean “place” I mean “positioning”. Because if the location is wrong the blessing ain’t going to follow. So you have to be sure that you are positioned right in God through Christ. Don’t let what you don’t see dictate how you want to live with God. Let God call the shot no matter what you face.

2. Continue to Pray and Speak the promises: the bible says if the cloud be full it will rain down (Ecclesiastes 11:3). In the same way we say every storm eventually runs out of rain is the same way we can say every full cloud will rain down. But you have to be mindful of what your cloud will rain down. If all you’ve poured up there is negativity that will continue to breed the cycle of negativity. Don’t be the reason why you stay stuck in dryness longer than expected. So get in the word, get your prayers up and speak those promises.

3. Volunteer: most times our thoughts are tormented when we are alone. Get among people, volunteer in church and community activities. Stay active by providing for others what you wish was provided for you. Don’t sit around and wait for a pity party. Get active even if it’s for a couple of hours weekly just painting a smile on someone’s face. Don’t just sit a rounding waiting for a miracle out action to your faith. Even when we think we have no hope left to give I guarantee you we do. Somebody out there needs your smile even if you have to force that smile and paint it on. Even in your broken state never forget that you are still an answer to someone’s prayers. So get up and go be an answer in 2018  

4. Study the Bible: the word you hear has a way of uplifting you and inspiring hope in you so while you navigate the dry season of your life make sure you are getting the right words into you. “Faith” and I mean problem solving faith comes by hearing and hearing the word of God (Romans 10:17). What you hear impacts your thoughts and your thoughts dictate your actions/results. So the solution you require to change the situation can only be found with the God who knows all things. So read the word, whether you are reading alone, or listening from a podcast, a devotional or a book don’t go without studying God’s word.

5. Take it one day at a time: Don’t look at how long you’ve been in the dryness or in the waiting game or how long left you have to go. Just stay focused on one day at a time and ask for the strength to make it through each day. This will help put you in a good mental state that is required for cultivating solutions and even hearing God when He gives you instructions. You need a sound mind to walk through this season so avoid taking on unnecessary worries. Set yourself a self-care plan that helps boost your mental health.

I know the dry season is tough because I’ve been there. I know each day can be a battle and I know giving up looks like the next best thing to do but trust me that isn’t an option because the bible says “He that will come will come and not delay” (Hebrews 10:37). And to answer you heart aching question YES GOD HAS A PLAN FOR YOUR LIFE. God and His mega awesome plans for your life is going to arrive and your testimony will help heal other people in your future.

You are never alone. 

Love and Light 

Tosin

CAPACITY

  
As I stood in my kitchen today doing my regular chores I found my mind straying not to anything in particular and boom the word CAPACITY popped up deep within me. It’s a general word that we hear often and there’s nothing special about it. But as I began to think and ponder that word I started to learn from it. Everyone of us has a capacity. If you take a jar and pour into it the jar will only hold what it has the capacity to contain. 

So basically it’s not all about the amount you are willing to pour into a jar it’s about the amount the jar is built to hold. The amazing thing about humans that makes us different from just any regular jar is that we have the ability to increase our capacity to retain more at different times in our life. So whether it’s love, forgiveness, hope, faith, wealth etc we can’t let ourself be limited to a small capacity. We can determine in our heart that we will do what it takes to increase the capacity we can hold. Because the truth is what we can hold determines what we can give out to bless our world.

When you talk about capacity it’s not just from the dimension of retaining but also from the dimension of giving. If you pour into a pint and a gallon the quantity you get out won’t be the same. You get more product out of the gallon than the pint. In the same way if you pour into pint minded people and expect a gallon supply you will be frustrated because pint minded people will not give at a gallon level. They will pour into you what they have. You can’t give what you don’t have. 

Don’t get frustrated because you are not getting more from certain things or certain people check yourself, check your expectation and check their capacity. Expecting a gallon content from a pint minded person or situation is going to leave you frustrated. If you know you want to give at a gallon capacity you have to be ready to do what it takes to grow yourself from a pint minded person to a gallon minded person where you increase your capacity to hold and in turn you increase the content that you have to bless your world with.

Sometimes some people are giving you the best at the capacity they have but because you want more you forget to check their capacity. You can’t hold people to an unfair expectation that you have of them. Check the capacity and understand the capcity. Don’t frustrate yourself or others by making demands that is more than their capacity. Also if you are a gallon person who continue to pour into something or someone that only has a pint capacity you overwhelm them because they don’t understand why you continue to pour when clearly they can’t contain it anymore don’t waste your time pouring your content into people or things that can’t hold it. 

Don’t cast your pearls before swines. You can’t blame a pint minded person for not understanding you have so much content to pour and they can’t hold the content.It’s not their fault they don’t get it but it will be a waste of your precious time if you continue to pour into containers that are not built to hold your content. Knowing when to walk away or stop pouring is something we all have to learn at some point in our lives. By all means increase your capacity so that you can receive more and give more to your world. But also be wise to know that you can’t give people more than the capacity they are built to retain.

Don’t let pint minded people frustrate you with their pint size thinking. Get yourself surrounded by people who contain and give at your capacity because nothing frustrates more than having miss matched expectations of yourself and of people. Pint size people will only give pint size content don’t let yourself be fooled into thinking you can get more from them or they can hold more. Check the capacity before you pour! Check the capacity before you make a demand.

 Don’t limit yourself to a pint size person when you can grow and increase your capacity in terms of the love, forgiveness, knowledge, hope faith, joy, abundance that you can retain and give.

CAPACITY

  
As I stood in my kitchen today doing my regular chores I found my mind straying not to anything in particular and boom the word CAPACITY popped up deep within me. It’s a general word that we hear often and there’s nothing special about it. But as I began to think and ponder that word I started to learn from it. Everyone of us has a capacity. If you take a jar and pour into it the jar will only hold what it has the capacity to contain. 

So basically it’s not all about the amount you are willing to pour into a jar it’s about the amount the jar is built to hold. The amazing thing about humans that makes us different from just any regular jar is that we have the ability to increase our capacity to retain more at different times in our life. So whether it’s love, forgiveness, hope, faith, wealth etc we can’t let ourself be limited to a small capacity. We can determine in our heart that we will do what it takes to increase the capacity we can hold. Because the truth is what we can hold determines what we can give out to bless our world.

When you talk about capacity it’s not just from the dimension of retaining but also from the dimension of giving. If you pour into a pint and a gallon the quantity you get out won’t be the same. You get more product out of the gallon than the pint. In the same way if you pour into pint minded people and expect a gallon supply you will be frustrated because pint minded people will not give at a gallon level. They will pour into you what they have. You can’t give what you don’t have. 

Don’t get frustrated because you are not getting more from certain things or certain people check yourself, check your expectation and check their capacity. Expecting a gallon content from a pint minded person or situation is going to leave you frustrated. If you know you want to give at a gallon capacity you have to be ready to do what it takes to grow yourself from a pint minded person to a gallon minded person where you increase your capacity to hold and in turn you increase the content that you have to bless your world with.

Sometimes some people are giving you the best at the capacity they have but because you want more you forget to check their capacity. You can’t hold people to an unfair expectation that you have of them. Check the capacity and understand the capcity. Don’t frustrate yourself or others by making demands that is more than their capacity. Also if you are a gallon person who continue to pour into something or someone that only has a pint capacity you overwhelm them because they don’t understand why you continue to pour when clearly they can’t contain it anymore don’t waste your time pouring your content into people or things that can’t hold it. 

Don’t cast your pearls before swines. You can’t blame a pint minded person for not understanding you have so much content to pour and they can’t hold the content.It’s not their fault they don’t get it but it will be a waste of your precious time if you continue to pour into containers that are not built to hold your content. Knowing when to walk away or stop pouring is something we all have to learn at some point in our lives. By all means increase your capacity so that you can receive more and give more to your world. But also be wise to know that you can’t give people more than the capacity they are built to retain.

Don’t let pint minded people frustrate you with their pint size thinking. Get yourself surrounded by people who contain and give at your capacity because nothing frustrates more than having miss matched expectations of yourself and of people. Pint size people will only give pint size content don’t let yourself be fooled into thinking you can get more from them or they can hold more. Check the capacity before you pour! Check the capacity before you make a demand.

 Don’t limit yourself to a pint size person when you can grow and increase your capacity in terms of the love, forgiveness, knowledge, hope faith, joy, abundance that you can retain and give.